Tennis Parenting is a tough job

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Permalink Reply by Jewell Fox on June 16, 2009 at 4:58pm

Well I'm glad to see that you've started on this wonderful journey. Welcome to the Elite Club!! I've been on this trip for the past 8 years and I'm still learning everyday and enjoying every minute of it. Let me introduce myself, I am the mother of a young professional from the United States. She started playing tennis at the age of 10 and had a successful junior career and now is trying her way unto the pro tour. What you are going through we all went through and it is not unusual but you have to find the true family/friends that are there for you and your child. We are the most envious parents around because our kids are talented and destin for greatness and most people/other parents cannot handle that. You have to grow beyond this for your child. If your child has the passion, desire and work ethic go for it!!! This opportunity does not come around twice, albeit sometimes once in a lifetime, do not let PEOPLE, control your destiny, YOU DO! Goodluck and feel free to keep in touch. Tennis Parent.

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Permalink Reply by Wesley Watson on May 15, 2013 at 5:55am

Hi Jewell,

Let me introduce myself. My name is Wesley Watson, I am from Johannesburg, South Africa and I am married to my beautiful wife Mari and we have 2 beautiful kids. Abi is 9 and Danny is 8.

Both Abi and Danny play tennis and they are coached 4 times a week by their coach. They have been doing this for 2 years now and have developed very well. Abi is showing a lot of talent for the game and she wants to play as much as possible all the time.

Here my questions then, as a parent I am not sure if there must be any coaching from my side or must I just be a hitting partner? Are tournaments important at this stage? How much emphasis must be put on strength and fitness now?

Sorry for just dropping these on you like this but as you said, the opportunity doesn't come around twice, and we want to learn from others what to do and not to do.

Thank you so much,

Wes

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Permalink Reply by Mark Dalli on May 15, 2013 at 2:15pm

I have been in the junior development program for many years. I suggest you hit with them when ever they want you to. Weather they win or lose, try to be the same. You love them and want the best for them, I understand. By being a constant, spending the time is priceless. often I have found the parents involvement can be a distraction and not help the player. Help them love the game and the rest will come. Remember, if they love i,t they will work hard on their own, children don't want to work so this will sneak the work on them....sneaky huh? As a parent of 2 open level players who started at age 4, I must say they have fond memories of playing all over California and having a great time with many players with USA team tennis. They learn social skills and today that is a skill that stands out. Anyway there is my 2 cents.

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Permalink Reply by Jason Lampione on March 12, 2010 at 6:27pm

Dear John Zhao,

My hat comes off to you. Your dedication and passion for the game is unmatched and very greatly appreciated, because I know that many families feel the same excitement and disappoints you experience with your child each match both in victory and defeat. The best method to over-come a hard loss or even a tough match is to always look at it from a positive perspective, and "always" look at every bad out-come and extract the good that comes attatched to it. This will give you and your child a better chance at winning, insofar, that you'll start seeing measurable progress and the effort gained from a newly found positive philosophy that you have developed will pay off more than you can imagine.

Sincerely,

Jason Lampoine

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Permalink Reply by Craig Steinberg on May 12, 2012 at 5:53am

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Permalink Reply by Mark / The Mayor on August 20, 2013 at 9:32am

My son had a tough loss this weekend in the Southwest JTT Sectionals.  He played a kid that he had beat before and those losses are always tough.  My son has been playing tennis longer than his opponent and his strokes are more natural, but his opponent is a natural athlete that just didn't miss on the forehand side (and ran around most backhands).  It was really tough to watch my son lose this match with his whole team watching.  I could tell that he wanted it so bad.  He had a lot of tears and called himself a few choice names too including "a failure".  I consoled him best that I could, and he got back out there later that day and won a double match with a buddy. 

He needs to work on keeping control of his emotions.  The match was very winnable but he feared losing so much that it affects his game.  I am not sure on how to help him do this.  I think he just needs to play more matches, and somehow get a different way of looking at the game of tennis.  He is always wanting to challenge people at ping pong or foosball or a race, but when it comes to tennis, he takes it way too seriously and puts a ton of undue pressure on himself.  Any help from other parents would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Mark

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Permalink Reply by Bill Patton on September 11, 2013 at 11:17am

listen to Wayne Bryan this Saturday: http://bit.ly/17w4uhJ  for great ideas about Tennis Parenting.  Want to ask Wayne a question?  Let me know.

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Permalink Reply by STATS International on November 20, 2013 at 3:20pm

I've been teaching kids the basic of both tennis and baseball. Does that qualify me as parent? (maybe in sports). As my kids are too young to learn the basics, I have them watch the kids while in training. Basically, we use simple baseball batting drills to maximize their potential in both sport. My ways are to particular that I may now want to discuss it here. However, teaching kids is not just life to me but happiness. As what John said, 

All the expectations, excitement, disappoinment, encouragemnt, (lack of) self control, shouting matches, soul searching, amateur coaching, hurt feelings, and lost and found relationships are on vivid display at every tournament.

I feel all these with my trainees, so I really think that I qualify to be a tennis parent.

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Permalink Reply by Edgar Giffenig on April 2, 2014 at 4:17pm

I am a high performance coach and a father of three girls, so I have quite a bit of experience from both sides of the equation - parent and coach.  

I have three daughters. Two are competitive tennis players and the youngest one plays team sports, and without a doubt, tennis  is much harder to manage as a family.  It requires much more commitment and the emotional toll can be tremendous if you do not keep things in perspective.  It is tough watching your children fail, over and over, but that is really what tennis is.  It is a game of mistakes, where you are challenged every day to learn to deal with failure.  Even at the professional level most players lose every week. That is rough!

Here are a few suggestions to make the journey easier:

1) Never forget that tennis is only a game.

2) Losing is a big part of the game. Do not get too emotional about it.  Take it matter of fact.  

3) Support your child regardless of the result. Be a parent not a coach.

4) Remember that just putting yourself on the line by playing tournaments is already an achievement.

5) Keep in mind that things look a lot easier from the stands. 

6) For an ideal development, your child should be losing at least one match for every two that he wins.  If he is winning too much, he needs to look for better competition.

7) As a parent demand sportsmanship, and a good attitude but let a coach deal with all the technical and tactical aspects of the game. 

8)  Do not get overly involved to the point where it becomes more your quest that your child's.  Make sure he or she is playing because he/she really wants to.

9) The child's wins are his not ours. Avoid things like: We had a great tournament.

10) Both of you should be having fun.  If one of you isn't, there is something wrong and changes need to be made.

Competitive tennis can be a wonderful experience if approached with the right attitude but it can quickly become a nightmare  if parents become too zealous.

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Permalink Reply by Mark / The Mayor on April 2, 2014 at 5:53pm

Wow, Edgar - you really do sound like you've been through the system with your 3 daughters.  All of this is fantastic advice.  As a tennis dad, it is so hard to do all of this.  My son is stepping back from tournaments for a while because he was losing the love of the game.  I just hope he enjoys his time on the court - he really loves practice and hanging with the other kids in the group lessons and middle school tennis team.

By the way, would love to get your advice in this thread too:

http://tennisopolis.com/forum/topics/what-advice-would-you-give-you...

M

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