My favourite pommy movie ever is 'Snatch' and my favourite pommy invention ever is Wimbledon.
In case you're wondering - and I know I have you on the edge of your seats right now - curry after a night on the turps wins the silver with bangers and mash, english breakfast tea and Keira Knightley fighting it out for the bronze.
Why not combine the two I thought? Don't mind if I do. So, without further delay, here's some Wimbledon awards courtesy of Turkish, Mickey, cousin Avi and the rest of the boys from 'Snatch'.
(Yeah, I know this is a little Bill Simmons of me, but I don't care. Simmons hasn't done this in years so I'm taking the torch and running with it. I might even blag Bricktop's bookies on the way.)
Bricktop: Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt ... me.
Congratulations Andy Roddick. If Mr and Mrs Federer hadn't have hooked up at that work conference all those years ago and bred a thoroughbred of a son named Roger, by now you would have won as many Wimbledon titles as Boris Becker and John McEnroe and be thought of as an all-time Wimbledon great. But since you are married to Brooklyn Decker, I'm not going to be feeling sorry for you anytime soon.
Avi: Look in the dog.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you mean "look in the dog?"
Avi: I mean, open him up.
Bullet Tooth Tony: It's not as if it's a tin of baked beans. What do you mean "open him up?"
To the artist formerly known as Novak Djokovic. Someone needs to conduct an immediate cat scan/MRI/whatever's necessary to see if this is the same guy who bulldozed Federer in Melbourne last year and was looking like he was going to take the tennis world by storm. Hasn't happened. It's also worth scouring the internet to see if he teamed up with Nic Cage to make a Serbian version of 'Face Off' sometime after the Masters Cup in China at the end of '08 and has actually changed his name to Castor Troy. "You watch your F§$%&=G mouth!"
For the rest of the awards, as well as to find out why Jack Bauer got into trouble at this years Wimbledon, please check out www.noworriestennis.com