Tennisopolis : Tennis Social Network

What are the tell tale signs you're a TENNIS BUM?

I'm sure this could run in a few categories:

1) Racquet freak: Gotta try the latest racquets, demo ten racquets when they come out at the start of the year. End up getting six of the same, then an itch happens. You buy a different one, then have to sell the six when that new one plays better. Then it happens every year. Check!

2) League addict: Akin to the weekend warrior, only that there is an obsession with everybody else's rankings. You know everybody else's game style, player record, possible matchups, and team in your area and the next area. You know every college teams' doings and the shining juniors who might make pro. Maybe you're the dastardly captain with a scouting report for eager sandbaggers looking to dominate. Or you're a player who plays in two different leagues for three different teams. You're the floating bagger. Check two!

3) Tennis Channel/ Youtube Scourer: First thing in the morning, you've got to have either one on. You get the latest scores, tips, and matches. Or maybe you love to watch the older classic matches. The commercials titillate you with the latest equipment and clothes. You think the commentators are hot and mention it at any outing. You even got Tennis Channel's weekly schedule memorized. Or you've checked out 12,000 videos according to Youtube. Check 3!

4) Park side pick up game artist: You're the public park hound. You're on the prowl for that doubles crowd that could last for hours. You won't let anybody new on the court once you're in the circle without an initiation rite. Maybe you've driven past the same park three times a day, hoping to devastate opponents with your sleeper skills, which include the orbiting lob and the whirlback dropper. Check 4!

5) The impromptu coach/ stringer: Doesn't matter what it is, you've got a technique database for all the strokes and the serve. When you see somebody do a casual swing, you cringe. Not only cringe, you come over and force the guy to fix it the way you've seen it done right. You offer lessons on the fly and may even become an assistant high school coach doing so. And if someone broke their string, you're in business because you've got a stringer laying in the trunk of your car. Check 5!

6) The Favorite Player Fiend: Any time your favorite player changes clothes or racquets, you must know on the day or hour. If he wins, he's made your day and you gloat. You have his/her's clothes and racquets, headbands and personal ticks. A collection of photos and videos rival any website owner. You've posed in front of the mirror, mimicking the followthrough or trophy pose. Therefore, you unintentionally hit like him/her. Heck, you may even think you hit better than him/her!  And if he/she loses, it is catastrophe. Even your cereal doesn't taste the same and your friends on court seem to taunt you mercilessly. You must hide for a week in favorite player shame. Check 6!

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Comment by Joe B. (BP, CA) on February 10, 2013 at 6:39pm

I feel you, Mark.  I've been a captain now for two seasons, and though I watch the other teams forming and look at their players' stats and previous records, my players are not yet of high caliber.  Matching up my players to beat the other team is akin trying to take out a tank or helicopter gun ship with a slingshot or a BB gun, ha ha ha!  But it's all for fun right now, 'til we get more experience.  Then, who knows?  Nationals??  BTW, you're definitely a tennis bum if you're thinking about Nationals, ha ha ha!

Comment by CoachV - William Vazquez on February 10, 2013 at 5:50pm

Ive got 5, 4, 3, .....7

but he is missing one.....

7 you are on tennisopolis if you are not on court.

Comment by Mark / The Mayor on February 10, 2013 at 5:45pm

I used to be guilty of a lot of number 4 (trolling the local park).  I do not miss waiting around for nothing to happen.  And now I think I have some number 2 in my future (league addict) now that I have bit the bullet and stepped up as the captain.  I'm already watching the other teams forming and thinking about matchups.

Comment by Tim Prapong on February 10, 2013 at 1:35pm

I'm guilty of 1 and 3. Uh, maybe a bit of 5 back in the day. haha

Comment by Tim Prapong on February 10, 2013 at 1:31pm

Man, I think yours are funnier than mine, Joe. I'm a bit sarcastic in mine. hehe

Comment by Joe B. (BP, CA) on February 8, 2013 at 7:33pm

Ha ha ha, pretty funny, Tim.  I know 2 and 4 could (maybe, perhaps, undecided) apply to me.  Here are a couple more.

1.  You have something fuzzy hanging from your rearview mirror, but they're not dice, but rather yellow balls.  And your license plate holder says "I'd rather be playing tennis," and your license plate says LUV10IS, or some other iteration.

2.  Not only do you dress like your favorite player(s) and use their racquets, you can emulate their strokes, and even their grunts.

3.  Like the post office, neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow will deter you from playing tennis.

4.  You apply for tax exemption, claiming Tennisism as your religion.

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