What are the tell tale signs you're a TENNIS BUM?
I'm sure this could run in a few categories:
1) Racquet freak: Gotta try the latest racquets, demo ten racquets when they come out at the start of the year. End up getting six of the same, then an itch happens. You buy a different one, then have to sell the six when that new one plays better. Then it happens every year. Check!
2) League addict: Akin to the weekend warrior, only that there is an obsession with everybody else's rankings. You know everybody else's game style, player record, possible matchups, and team in your area and the next area. You know every college teams' doings and the shining juniors who might make pro. Maybe you're the dastardly captain with a scouting report for eager sandbaggers looking to dominate. Or you're a player who plays in two different leagues for three different teams. You're the floating bagger. Check two!
3) Tennis Channel/ Youtube Scourer: First thing in the morning, you've got to have either one on. You get the latest scores, tips, and matches. Or maybe you love to watch the older classic matches. The commercials titillate you with the latest equipment and clothes. You think the commentators are hot and mention it at any outing. You even got Tennis Channel's weekly schedule memorized. Or you've checked out 12,000 videos according to Youtube. Check 3!
4) Park side pick up game artist: You're the public park hound. You're on the prowl for that doubles crowd that could last for hours. You won't let anybody new on the court once you're in the circle without an initiation rite. Maybe you've driven past the same park three times a day, hoping to devastate opponents with your sleeper skills, which include the orbiting lob and the whirlback dropper. Check 4!
5) The impromptu coach/ stringer: Doesn't matter what it is, you've got a technique database for all the strokes and the serve. When you see somebody do a casual swing, you cringe. Not only cringe, you come over and force the guy to fix it the way you've seen it done right. You offer lessons on the fly and may even become an assistant high school coach doing so. And if someone broke their string, you're in business because you've got a stringer laying in the trunk of your car. Check 5!
6) The Favorite Player Fiend: Any time your favorite player changes clothes or racquets, you must know on the day or hour. If he wins, he's made your day and you gloat. You have his/her's clothes and racquets, headbands and personal ticks. A collection of photos and videos rival any website owner. You've posed in front of the mirror, mimicking the followthrough or trophy pose. Therefore, you unintentionally hit like him/her. Heck, you may even think you hit better than him/her! And if he/she loses, it is catastrophe. Even your cereal doesn't taste the same and your friends on court seem to taunt you mercilessly. You must hide for a week in favorite player shame. Check 6!
Comment
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Comment by Tim Prapong on February 17, 2013 at 1:43pm
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Tennisbum, what a screen name! haha
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Comment by tennisbum on February 16, 2013 at 12:27pm
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or just have a handle of "tennisbum". :-P
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Like the confession, Jazz! I'm a bit of everything except numero dos. No wonder I could write such a piece. hehe
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Comment by Jazz Burks on February 13, 2013 at 8:47pm
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I'm more 1a. The racquet dead-ender. You can take my Diablo when you pry it from my cold, dead, hand. I look on e-bay for gently used sticks and in the back of tennis shops for close out models.
2 yup
3 of course
4 not hard core pickup artist. I do keep a racquet in my locker at work in case someone wants to play after I get off and I don't have my bag!
5 I do cringe at poor and weird strokes but I do not offer to correct them. I need to know there are people that I can beat! People do however see my strokes and ask how they can improve their own. I'm happy to help. Don't string though.
6 oh yeah crank the "Careless Whisper" every time Fed loses!
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Comment by Mark / The Mayor on February 13, 2013 at 8:38am
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Wake up, look at Tennisopolis. Going to bed? look at 'opolis. every 10 minutes, look at 'opolis.
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Colonel Mark Parker! lol
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Comment by Joe B. (BP, CA) on February 13, 2013 at 1:23am
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8. You create a site just for other tennis bums, he he he! Mark is the head honcho of tennis bums.
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Um, guess I am top of the leaderboard. Ultimate tennis bum. lol
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7. You are on the Tennisopolis Leaderboard.
[great idea v!]
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7 is the one you should write, V! haha
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